My ‘What the Fook’ Moments

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In the early 90s, I had an Irish colleague and friend called Niamh (pronounced ‘Neve’). We’ve lost track mainly because she went back to Ireland and we both became slack in keeping in touch. I first heard this Irish-pronounced word from her, the ‘fook’. No explanation is necessary. I used to giggle to myself each time I heard it.

But this blog is not really about my friend, nor, you’d be pleased to know, about ‘fook’. I just want to share with you what I call my ‘what the fook’ moments. Two of them, in fact. 🙂

* * *

Call me luCkY, but I have had two experiences of the weird but hilariously suspenseful moments (my ‘wtf’ moments) that I’ll never forget. As people who know me knows, I keep to myself majority of the time. My being quiet though still got me in trouble in primary (elementary) and high school.

1. Once during a class in 2nd year high school, a classmate had the urge, at the wrong moment it turned out for me, to talk to me about some inane thing that I don’t recall now. Not being a rude person and not wanting to ignore her, I gave her my equally inane reply. It was at that very moment when my teacher saw me talking.

You know what teachers are like when a student appears to be not listening! She called my name to answer a question. I tried not to show it but I started getting nervous. Needless to say, I didn’t hear the question.

Involuntarily, while thinking what to say, I slowly scratched my neck. If you know anything about body language, you’d know it’s supposed to mean doubt, uncertainty and nervousness. She appeared surprised but, suddenly, my teacher exclaimed, ‘excellent!’ She proceeded to ignore me and continue with her lecture and asked my other classmates, what became apparent to me later, the same question.

Now for a few seconds, I stood there dumbfounded, with my mouth agape. I had no idea what just happened! Like a machine-gun fire, various thoughts came rushing through my mind in that millisecond: ‘Is she being sarcastic? Is she insulting me? Is she making fun of me? Is she on drugs??’

Not wanting for her to focus her attention back on me and with my eyes wide open in amazement, I quickly sat down and scanned others’ faces, looking for clues. Most didn’t seem to notice anything odd but a few were quite impressed that I knew the answer! What answer?? I didn’t even open my mouth and pretend to say something! I just scratched my neck, and then my teacher gave me a word of approval (if not admiration, lol).

Well, the teacher was discussing pressure points where you can feel your pulse from! I must have been absent when the teacher gave a lecture on that topic! At that time, I didn’t have a clue what areas of the body they’re located. I just happened to, hilariously enough, appear to point to a right part of my body (the neck) at the time that I was clueless about what I was being grilled about – the locations of our pressure points!

I, unknowingly and without meaning to, gave one of the correct answers. What a stroke of luck!

It was one of the most surreal but amusing days of my school life, and I take pleasure in remembering it to this day.

2. Another face-saving incident happened two years before, in my Maths class in 6th grade. I had what was probably my first case of being caught talking in the middle of a class lecture because one of my classmates chose an inopportune time to say something to someone sitting next to her, who happened to be… me! Again, not being a naturally rude person, I happily talked to her.

A chalk came flying out of nowhere and hit my arm. It was my teacher’s way of calling my attention. The teacher, who could have been a mathematical guru for all I know and who was supposed to teach the young much more than A-B-Cs and 1-2-3s (like good manners, for example), was being rude indeed. Though I was obviously very peeved, my scorpion tail rising to spit a poisonous sting in my teacher’s direction, I, begrudgingly, let it go.

He ordered me to solve a mathematical question he wrote on the blackboard. It’s not surprising but Mathematics is one of my pet peeves, my least favourite subject in school and, together with Science, Chemistry, Physics, Geography, English, History, Algebra, Geometry, Arts, Music… practically all my school subjects, and most especially ‘Home Economics’, the bane in my school life. (Next time, I’ll talk to you about my most favourite subject.) 😉

From the time I left my desk to the time I picked up a chalk to attempt to write my answer on the board, I must have uttered a litany of prayers under my laboured breath. I tried to do a quick ‘mental scanning’, to recall what little of the past lectures/lessons registered in my brain but to no avail.

With my back against my teacher and classmates, I started to scribble furiously, acting like I was writing something!

Kidding aside, I partly knew the answer but I thought there was something missing. I went over what I wrote many times, trying to come up with the correct answer. I stood there sweating, waiting for salvation; but I was on my own.

After what was probably just a few minutes but felt like an excruciatingly long time, I slowly put the chalk down and gave up. I felt defeated. I walked back to my desk embarrassed, my pride shattered, and my scorpion tail, previously erect with venom, now hung limply between my legs.

With a smug smile on his face, I could sense my vindictive teacher couldn’t wait to embarrass me further. He looked over my answer… then he looked at me, askance. Incredulously, he announced to the class my answer was… perfect!

I was bewildered and asked myself ‘huh? how could it be??’ The teacher must have recovered his sense of humour! ‘Surely, he’s pulling my leg!!’ But I wasn’t going to question him! I couldn’t believe my luck! He must have been as stunned as I was and perhaps a tad disappointed. But I had the last laugh!! Hahahaha!!

It was my turn to act smug. I gave him that look as if saying… ‘Don’t mess with me, you pr*ck!’ and controlled the urge to poke my tongue out at him.

What about you? Any ‘wtf’ moments for you? 😉 Share.

* * *

BTW, I’ve reconnected with Niamh and she’s happy to see me put whatever little creative writing skills I have to good use. As you may have read, it seems she can’t wait to have my first book, if it ever materialises, dedicated to her. 🙂

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About Earthianne

A lover of OSHO, non-fiction books, fun and laughter, music, philosophy, life, animals, world peace.

Posted on 14/05/2010, in Memories and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Love these memories. They’ve made my Friday morning so much more enjoyable 🙂

  2. This is the kind of article I really like, the humor is genuine, unique, true to life. I do not mind reading some most embarrassing moments, you know.

    • Trust a person with a sense of humour like you to get my humour. ‘Most embarrassing’ stories are best not told, haha.

  3. …i need not identify myself but you know me very well…your stories bring back some happy and funny memories for me too..well the good old days..keep on blogging as this brings joy not only to you but to others as well..

    • Uhmmm… I’m intrigue. You could be anyone of the people I know, hehe. But, thanks a lot for making an effort to comment and encourage me to go on (no regrets, ok??). You and a few others continue to fuel my enthusiasm to blog. I truly appreciate this.

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